City of Columbia Seal

Moe Baddourah is back on the Columbia City Council. Why even have a Columbia City Council?

I think I finally figured out right-wingers. The right has an extremely powerful propaganda machine. It does not center around “All Republicans are good.”  It centers around “All Democrats are bad.”  

[In reference to Bite of the Week, Oct. 24] Dear Mikey, next time don't take so much poetic license in your contributions. As I told Tug Baker, I lived in Germany. It irks me when you don't get your s#!t straight. “99 Red Balloons” or “Neunundneunzig Luftballons" is a ‘80s song, not a classic rock song! I should know, I lived through the 1980s in the States and overseas. Now Bon Jovi's “Livin’ on a Prayer” is probably a rock song, maybe classic, I will give you that. Do me a favor, when you write stick to what you know, like the food. As my J-school prof told me, don't editorialize so much and for Pete's sake check your facts even if your editor doesn't, because you might get an old goat like me that puts you on blast when you screw up. 

Hammock thought from Shameless Smoker: Best statement in a campaign commercial this season, "Dick does the right thing for the right reason." Finally, praise for a smart Dick.

I must be in an historical kitchen, because I found a can of ancient grease under the cabinet.

Hello, tell The Blind Guy he’s not the only blind guy. If he’s really blind. One good thing about that is that maybe y’all will put some braille in here.

This is The Turtle. So, it turns out that Pocahontas was of Native American descent. Where’s the million dollars, he who was caught in yet another lie? It has been proven on video that he said that.

It is in Southern culture to stick your nose in your neighbor’s business. So is religious cultism.

Could not the same logic that applies to traditionally black colleges apply to traditionally white Congress?

Hey, Donald Trump ain’t a piece of s#!t. He’s the whole thing.

Ah, good ol’ South Congaree. A town whose people wouldn’t know a metaphor if it jumped up and bit them on the ass.

What’s a good name for a coffee shop in a church? Hebrews.

My grandkids buy me a Goodwill card every time I have kidney stones. They are now buying in bulk.

My friend Brutus asked me how many hot dogs did I eat. I replied, “Two per day.”

Canada doesn’t need Prozac anymore.

Ever notice if you give Trump a lot of money, you suddenly get favored nation status? Wonder what North Korea gave him.

What is this, the “kiss Hugh Leatherman’s ass” governance?

Sorry about the fur babies. I’ve come to learn that Republicans’ definition is hate and Democrats’ definition is love.

Someone tell Lindsey Graham to pull his thumb out of Trump’s butt.

Finlay Park has a steep southern exposure. Sub-tropical trees and plants could thrive where they might not elsewhere. Bamboo will hold the embankments where cement has failed. The park could be a beautiful sunken garden.

Somebody needs to invent an app for smartphones that tells people when the traffic light is turning green, so they’ll quit holding up everybody behind them.

Moon Pies have been made since 1917. No wonder they are so hard.

This is that Yeah Guy. I have an appointment with my doctor for an ultrasound. I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl. Yeah.

When my friend from Wisconsin goes to the grocery store to buy cheese, he notices they leave the bananas out too long. They don’t look very a-peel-ing. Get it?

Think about the tax cut. Two trillion dollars went to the top one percent. If you have a tough time visualizing a trillion dollars, that’s a one with 12 zeroes.

Columbia is ranked No. 6 in the fastest drivers in the United States and law enforcement don’t do a damn thing about it.

This is a rant for WLTX channel 19. What’s with this political show you’ve got at 7 o’clock? You have a black man representing Democrats and a white man representing Republicans. Is that dividing South Carolina or what?

You need to get your s#!t together, brothers.

Are you people still in business? I haven’t been able to find a **Free Times** at my Food Lion or in front of the post office for two months. What’s the deal?

If I had a nickel for every nickel sent to me in a charity envelope, yeah.

Horoscope, horoscope, horoscope, horoscope!

This is for all the people who want to release balloons in memory of someone or for any other reason. Do they not realize that releasing balloons into the environment is littering? It harms the environment, the creatures, the critters, everybody that lives out there. I just think it’s a terrible thing. Why can’t they release butterflies?

When it comes to Lindsey Graham on the stump for President Trump, any friend of my enemy is no friend of mine.

This is a rave for the Columbia adoption center, the pound, over on Humane Lane. I want to say thank you so much for letting me adopt my sweet little cat, Jessie, in 2002. She died yesterday, and I brought her back to the pound to have her euthanized and the people were very nice and did a wonderful job. Goodbye, my little Jessie. You were wonderful.

The Cameron Curmudgeon would like to inform his highness in the White House that he’s 180 degrees wrong when he talks about the “Deep State.” It’s not intelligence personnel or experts or scientists. **A Delicate Truth** by John le Carre describes the Deep State as a moneyed elite; non-governmental insiders from banking industry and commerce who rule in secret. We are now close to that in our national and local governments. They aren’t out to get him, they are the ones who put him there.

I’m a registered nurse in one of the biggest hospitals in Columbia. I have a pointer for people who want to have a good experience in our hospital. It’s about expectations. Unless you are from out of town, please don’t fill up your room with visitors expected to spend the night. If you are from Columbia, we have normal visiting hours. Your loved ones can go home and come back and see you again the next day.

Wasn’t John Lennon considered the dung Beatle by most people?

[Barking dogs in background] I was going to be a liberal for Halloween but I couldn’t fit my head up my ass.

Hey, a Halloween etiquette question: Does the boogeyman carry a hanky?

Preach Jacobs isn’t funny. Whoever thought he was a comedian, if I had a d#!k, they could bite it.

This is BG The Blind Guy. Write this rant completely out. You ought to be embarrassed, Joe Wilson and Lindsey Graham. They don’t take up the issues of the common man. They take up the issues of the religious rich man.

Hey, this is Figaro. I just want to say to Elizabeth Warren, “You are just a white girl.”

You don’t know what is on my mind. Why don’t we have any newspapers at Leesburg Road at the Food Lion?

I think all DNA ancestry tests are bulls#!t. Can we take it back and see what lizard, monkey and fish we came from?

After having open heart surgery, with four bypasses being done, I feel great. I’m glad the surgeon’s work wasn’t in vein. Get it?

The Mega Millions was up to $1.5 billion. I thought I saw Air Force One pull over so 45 could get him a ticket and try to be a billionaire again.

The next time someone wants to call you names, degrade you, talk about your color or looks, tell them to take it up with God. He’s the one who created you.

If women let men see the real woman, they would get married quicker. No false eyelashes, no false hair, no false everything. Get rid of all that false stuff. Don’t paint your face. Let it be just like God made it. I believe you’ll get married quicker. Women have an advantage over men. They see the real man. But man never sees the real woman.