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Rant & Rave

Way to Screw It Up, Columbia

Plus: Fly the Bonnie Blue Flag

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, March 5, 2014 |
Who is the idiot who said you can get drugs at a strip club (Rant & Rave, Feb. 26)? I went to three strip clubs this weekend, and I couldn’t get any drugs. I want that guy’s phone number.

Yeah, this is a rant to the fella that called about the opening of Platinum West (Rant & Rave, Feb. 26). Yeah, that’s all we need — another one of these strip bars. Glad you moved to West Columbia. I don’t think those people will put up with it. They’ll take matters into their own hands if you get out of hand.

Yellow Pages? Why do the Yellow Pages think it’s necessary to stack six different books in front of my door? Have they even heard of the Internet? I had to break it to you, but your business is dead. Stop piling your crap up in front of my office.

Hey, Dan Cook (From the Editor, “A Pox on Both Your Houses,” Feb. 26): I would rather see a Walgreens over a baseball stadium. Walgreens is where they keep the drugs. As for Mayor Benjamin, he’s rapidly discovering that in Columbia (like Chinatown), it’s much safer to accept the status quo. These citizens deserve the government they get. They’re none too bright.

I’m about tired of hearing about Bigfoot (Cover story, “Carolina Bigfoot,” Feb. 19). There is no such thing as Bigfoot. There are no Bigfoot turds, and there are no Bigfoot bones. If Bigfoot existed, there would be Bigfoot turds and Bigfoot bones. They can find dinosaur bones, but they cannot find Bigfoot bones.

The one time you f#!k sticks do a great cover story (“Carolina Bigfoot,” Feb. 19), and I can’t find a freaking issue. Anyone wanna sell me their Bigfoot issue? Stupid Free Times, you’re stupid popular now! Same thing happened with the James Brown cover story. 

The Richland County elections director has been fired. They’ll probably hire Lillian McBride to take his place.

Here’s a big thank you to Pat Conroy for spending three hours after his show the other night greeting and signing autographs for his fans. Thanks, Pat.

You guys always draw a picture of a white guy on the Crime Blotter and that’s an inaccurate depiction of who is committing the majority of crimes in Columbia.

Rave to the State Farm office across from Dreher High School. Love the marquee boards. Keep ‘em fresh, they make me laugh.

Starbucks of the world, I have had it with you. Your lids don’t fit your cups. I am not gonna buy one of your overpriced ... I hate you Starbucks, I have coffee dripping all over myself, my console, your lids are pieces of crap.

What’s on my mind? Muscular dystrophy. I have many friends with muscular dystrophy. I have many friends with other disabilities. I am disabled. But please, stop telling me at the register to donate a dollar, or donate my change, to muscular dystrophy. I am sorry, but no I will not donate my change or my dollar, because I am tired of you asking me every time I come through the line.

The city manager could not come up with better police chief finalists? Basically it’s between Underdog and Deputy Dog. Yeah.

This recent attack on Councilwoman Devine is retaliation from the mayor for the strong-mayor vote. But the community will stand behind Councilwoman Devine.
Uh, Mayor Steve Benjamin and Councilman Moe Baddourah obviously don’t like each other. Maybe they can be on The Jerry Springer Show.

I have a rant about the Famously Hot celebration being in the hole because they sold less VIP tickets. Well, next year they’ll probably sell one or two less. We paid for these overpriced tickets with the promise of free parking, and we get there, “Oops!” they let everybody else park there; we didn’t get free parking. Also, coldest night of the year, and no coat check. Way to screw it up, Columbia.

Yeah, this goes to the Columbia City Council: This weekend my family and I, we went to the Newberry Opera House. We ate supper, we shopped, we had a good time. My car stayed parked in the same spot for over four hours. We didn’t have to worry about parking meters, because there ain’t none. Get the picture?

This is a rant to everybody who complains about these trains (Rant & Rave, Feb. 26). OK, everybody knows where the train tracks are. Everybody knows when they have to be at work. Everybody pretty much knows the train schedule; if you don’t you’re an idiot. If these trains didn’t get the stuff where it needs to go, then all you people whining and moaning about the trains would be whining and moaning about that.

Hey, you knuckle draggin’ idiots who adore the Stars and Bars flying over the S.C. State House: Guess what the Confederacy is known for? (1) Losing badly. (2) Destroying the economy in the South for at least a hundred years. (3) Having the flag that represents the Klan, those lovely fellers in sheets and hoods that were domestic terrorists of the worst sort. Wanna fly a flag to honor the heritage of your kin that fought for the South? Fine. Fly the Bonnie Blue flag. Learn some history, morons, and drag your sorry asses into the 21st century. 

I think it’s time, now that Maurice is gone, that Piggie Park can maybe move into the next century.

This is a rant to the Obama administration. They really need to care about taking care of their own country rather than worrying about what Russia is doing in the Ukraine. Obama can’t even take care of this country, so what’s he going to fix in the Ukraine? He’s getting grayer and grayer, and he still hasn’t done anything. Socialist state. Obama.

Hey, this is the high guy with another random thought of the day: Wouldn’t it be great if all potholes could be in the center of the lanes? This has been the high guy with another random thought of the day.

Let me get this right: We’re supposed to listen to what Gov. Haley says when she allows people to take guns into bars and restaurants? Hmm.

What happened to the Walmart in West Columbia? What happened there? They used to have a clean store and courteous customer service. And now it has turned into a piece of crap. I find dirt all over the place and products all over the floor.

Yeah, I just want to know since when did operating a taxi in the city of Columbia become so political. Not only do we have to answer now to the City of Columbia, we also have to answer to the Office of Regulatory Safety and every little municipality around. So, why is that? So, I’ll tell you what: You all come out and drive the taxis and I’ll be a politician, because it’ll be easier.

This is a rave to the Free Times. Thank you for having the Rant & Rave column and helping me relieve my stress. Thank you so much. The check’s in the mail.


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