Bleacher Report: A 21-year-old Spartanburg woman got into an argument with her boyfriend after finding a text message she didn’t like. The argument led to the woman grabbing bleach and messing up the guy’s wardrobe. By the time the cops came around, the woman had poured bleach on the man and was trying to spread lighter fluid on his stuff, according to reports. Needless to say, this is a love that should last. Next time she might pull out some Gain that smells like flowers to settle an argument.
At the Car Wash: Surveillance cameras filmed several suspects at a car wash in the Camden area using bolt cutters to cut into a change box. (Did the money come out casino-style like a river of spare change? We don’t know.) The suspects got away. No arrests have been made, but there’s a good chance they’ll be visiting a Coin Star machine.
Funny Money: Authorities are looking for a 24-year-old man who attempted to cash two counterfeit checks at a bank in Camden totaling nearly $4,000. The suspect entered the bank and attempted to cash the two checks, at which point a teller handed them back and informed the suspect that they looked like copies. End of story? No, this genius decided to come back again to the same bank a day later. When his moneymaking scheme was again denied, the suspect got irate and left the bank. Cops are looking for the guy, but he’ll probably just show up at the bank again.
Ski Mask: A 22-year-old man broke into a home in Kershaw County — but the owner and her two kids showed up while he was there. The suspect was upstairs but had left tools and a ski mask on the kitchen table. When the mother realized that someone was in the home, she left and called the cops. The suspect fled the scene but was soon nabbed. When asked about the robbery, the suspect admitted he was high on Xanax. It’ll suck for him when it wears off.
Burning and Looting: A man was filmed on surveillance camera setting his Beamer on fire in a hotel parking lot in Northeast Columbia. The camera catches the suspect pulling into the parking lot, getting out of the car and then an explosion that also damaged a nearby car. No arrests have been made, but let’s hope the guy wasn’t trying to get the upper hand on his insurance company. With all the insurances ads on TV these days, it’s about time they made one for this occasion.
Porky Pig: A 44-year-old man was arrested Friday after police say he exposed himself to two women in downtown Columbia. He didn’t expose himself emotionally; he didn’t write them poetry. The two women were driving when the suspect saw them and pulled it out. The women then called the cops and the suspect was arrested for indecent exposure — or, as the cops call men walking around with pants off, Porky Piggin’ it.
Tip of the Week: If you’re going to break into a business, you might as well take something valuable. A man picked up a random object to break the window of a grocery store. Once inside, he stole ... Newports. Hey, if he hasn’t already smoked them he could use them as currency in jail.
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