Rant & Rave

Stop Your Whining, South Carolina

Plus: Things I'm Not Interested in Kissing

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 765-0707 ext. 126 or email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words.

I just moved to Columbia/Forest Acres. My apartment complex is like a ghost town. Where is everyone? Everyone I have met out and about says that it is impossible to make friends here. Why is it impossible? Why are there so many churches? Where are the down-to-earth “hippy-ish” people? So many pant suits, so few local breweries. 

Everybody in Columbia smokes f#!kin’ weed. Like, seriously.

This is a rant to 2010. I’m still mad I can’t smoke inside bars. I mean I have an e-cig, but it doesn’t always cut it, you know? Anyway, I’m having a pretty good day. Work has been all right. I hate cops. Y’all remember Max Headroom? That was a tight show. Y’all never print my rants. Chipotle is so good. I just wish I could shoot my burrito before I eat it. No guns allowed, though. Thanks Obama. 

Why? Why? Why? Why, man? Why? Why? Why do white people like to play in the street like squirrels? Damn, damn, damn, damn.

It’s time for a new senator. We’ve had Lindsey Graham in there 30 years. It’s time for another one in South Carolina. Give somebody else a chance.

Kevin Fisher’s op-ed on Judge Manning’s ruling in the Harrell case (City Watch, “Manning Flops on Wrong Court, May 21): He obviously has never engaged in any actual legal research or writing. And from his numerous basketball puns, it seems like he hasn’t really engaged in any sort of writing. Thanks.

I want my government to solve child hunger, but I’ve never donated to a food pantry. I want my government to fix public education, but I don’t even help my own kid with her homework. I want unemployment solved, but I would never hire somebody who is different than the majority of my workforce. I want health care to be cheaper, but not if it means I have to stop eating at McDonald’s. I want to see our local economy improve, but shopping local is so inconvenient and expensive. Besides, Starbucks and the chain salon in the mall clearly provide a better service or they wouldn’t be so busy all the time.

Stop your whining, South Carolina. Leave your house and make a difference. If your personal impact ends at the polls, you are the problem with our state.

Boosterthon: I am absolutely over it. And before my teacher friends get their feathers ruffled over my rant, please understand that I realize this is a fundraiser to improve my children’s educational experience. But I will not beg my co-workers or my family members for money so my kids can come home from school with a backpack full of junky Frisbees. And camouflaging this beg-fest as a fitness competition ... brilliant. I already pay taxes on two homes within the district and most of that money goes to the schools. I’m really kind of tapped out, folks.

Sean Rayford. Bro. You look like you are homeless. 

We want to add a parking pad to the side of our house but the City of Columbia will not allow this because of a Charlie Brown-sized tree. This is ridiculous, because it isn’t as if a kindergarten class came to our home and planted this tree on Arbor Day. No one cares about the damn tree! All along the street there are others who have parking pads. They did not go through the city and now the city wants me to report whenever I see someone parked on THEIR OWN parking pad!! What the hell? Does the city have nothing better to do?

This is a rant to the bartender and other wait staff at __________. It was disgusting when you took one of the bar rags and wiped off your bare feet with it. It was really disturbing when the two female wait staff standing nearby called you out on it and thought it was funny. Even grosser yet was when you declared that you had to wipe your feet off because they were sticky! Gross, man! At this point you should have washed your damn hands and put the bar rag in a pile of dirty rags. But no, instead you stuck your bare hands in the ice machine. I really hope that management will fire you for being so repulsive. You have no business handling people’s food or drinks.

Can restaurant managers and owners please train their staff on the proper way to serve a beverage? I’m so tired of watching my drink drop down from above with all five of the server’s fingers clutching the rim. I’m quite sure your hands have touched things I’m not interested in kissing.

Rave for the DHEC staff. I would like to personally thank the staff at DHEC. You are doing a great job considering the lack of support from the highly overpaid Fab Five and your IT leaders.

Columbia Police Department: I heard once that the police don’t use their turn signals when driving around. I thought this was all hooey, until this morning: cruiser _____ turns right onto Harden from Blossom, heading north — with no blinker. Not even a little bit. Talk about a model for us citizens. 

A 100 percent remedy for people who have trouble getting up in the morning. It always works: Take your ass to bed at night.

This is a rant for the lady that hit the dog in front of Goodwill on Two Notch Road this afternoon. You didn’t change lanes. You didn’t slow down. You ran over that dog and kept driving. I curse you and your offspring unto the generations. That’s all.

So, Joe for Jobs, I just want to know: Why is Amazon using everyone like slaves? Slavery is still alive in South Carolina.

I totally agree with the person who said, “Take down the Confederate flag.” It’s history.

This is a rant to the Confederate Flag douche in last week’s issue (Rant & Rave, May 21). The Confederate Flag is in the museum. The flag at the S.C. State House is the Virginia Battle Flag. Lol. SMH.

Guns in bars? Sure, why not? They sell alcohol at gas stations, don’t they? Hey, how about selling handguns in banks?

Yes, this is a rant to the bonehead who painted over the Blue Sky mural on the building at the corner of Assembly and Washington streets; [the mural] was worth more than the building itself.

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