Crime Blotter

Stick ‘Em Up

The Toilet Bandit

By Preach Jacobs
Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Stick ‘Em Up: A 30-year-old man followed another man into the restroom at a club in northeast Columbia, and while the victim was finishing his business the suspect pulled a knife on him and threatened to kill him if he didn’t give up the goods. But this victim wasn’t going to take it: Not only did he escape the restroom, he also alerted the club’s security guards, who held the suspect until the cops came. Note to would-be criminals: If you’re going to attempt a stick up, make sure you know about the security guards.

The Toilet Bandit: Someone broke into a home in northeast Columbia by entering a window in the bathroom. The suspect then accidentally damaged the toilet while trying to get in and water flooded the bathroom and a bedroom. The suspect got away with stealing a PS3, Wii and a television — all of which is probably worth a lot less than the water damage the guy caused. So, now this criminal is the Toilet Bandit because he’s too dumb to figure out how to get into a room without messing up the crapper. No arrests have been made, but police have a suspect — a 31-year-old man who is linked with several other home break-ins in the area. Here’s a hint that might help them nab this guy: His shoes are probably real squeaky.

Shotgun: A man robbed a Columbia gas station, carrying around a big shotgun to get his point across. (Maybe he figured he might as well go all the way, since a sawed-off shotgun would still be hard to hide.) The suspect was wearing big fuzzy earmuffs when he robbed the place, demanding money from the clerk at the gas station. No arrests have been made.

Swerve: A 23-year-old man was arrested after cops found something under his hood that wasn’t a Hemi. The suspect was pulled over in Orangeburg when cops saw his car swerving, which isn’t the best thing to be doing when you’re trying to be discreet. The cop who pulled him over smelled marijuana, so he brought in a K-9 unit to check things out. Turns out the guy had weed hidden under his hood, along with a plastic scale. (This might not have been the best plan, as a hot engine could be bad news for both the weed and the scale. Just saying.) The man was arrested. He’ll probably learn some better methods in jail.

Tip of the Week: If you see something that looks too good to be true on Craigslist, more than likely that s#!t ain’t so. A 34-year-old man in Lexington posted an ad for a motor vehicle trailer and a utility vehicle at an extremely low price. (The police report didn’t list a number, sorry.) It’s not illegal to sell something cheap, but it’s a good tip-off to cops that it’s probably stolen goods — and sure enough, these goods had been reported stolen. Cops set up a fake meet and acted as if they were customers. When they met the suspect, the man couldn’t prove that he’d purchased the items. The lesson? Looking for a chick on Craigslist isn’t the only way things can go terribly wrong for someone.

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