Crime Blotter

Spartanburg Mom Shoplifts Sex Toy

Plus: Power Washing in Irmo

By Preach Jacobs
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Illustration by Jason Crosby

Vibrations: A 38-year-old woman in Spartanburg stole a vibrator at a novelty shop and attempted to hide it in her kid’s stroller. (Why was her kid in a place that sells vibrators? We can’t answer that.) The woman attempted to sneak out, but the store manager confronted her. At first, she tried to act as if nothing improper had happened, but then she gave up. Maybe the possibility of her kid mistaking the vibrator for a Star Wars light saber was just too much to bear.

Power Washing: Someone stole a pressure washer and a trailer from a garage at a home in Irmo. Who would be interested in stealing a presser washer — home-improvement show guru Bob Vila? Cops are looking for a white pickup truck that might have been involved in the theft. No arrests have been made, but cops are looking for people with newly pristine home decks and siding.

Try Again: A 20-year-old man was seen on surveillance video attempting to break into a gas station in Northeast Columbia. Unlike most suspects, this one at least tried to deal with the fact that convenience stores all have cameras, climbing up toward a camera in an unsuccessful attempt to cut the wires connected to it. Then the guy kicked the business’s door in an effort to get it open, but that didn’t work either. Finally, the suspect threw something at the door to gain entry, but that failed, too. The guy left defeated and turned himself in the next day.

Stealing Smokes: A 22-year-old and a 17-year-old were arrested after holding up a gas station in Lexington. The suspects entered the gas station with masks on and one of them pulled out a gun. Then they demanded money and cigarettes. The suspects got away with a whopping $53 and 10 packs of Newports. Congratulations, you stole enough to retire on. Seriously, though, you threw away your future for 53 bucks? Damn.

Falling: A 25-year-old man realized the hard way that crime is a profession that can come crashing down around you … literally. Cops showed up at the man’s North Columbia apartment with a search warrant related to several area robberies. The man tried to escape by climbing through the ceiling; he ended up falling through the ceiling of a woman living next door. The suspect was arrested; the cops must have laughed hysterically at the man’s ill-fated escape plan.

Escape Artist: A 21-year-old man was arrested for a smorgasbord of charges including indecent exposure, assault and escape. While the suspect was being arrested for a disturbing-the-peace incident, he told cops that he had a shoulder injury needing attention. The cops got an ambulance for him, but the Houdini-like suspect slipped out of his frickin’ cuffs and took off. Cops had to chase him before nabbing him. Then they cuffed him again and took him to the hospital. One more thing: This guy needs his own reality show ASAP.

Tip of the Week: If you’re going to be bad, be bad all the way. A man turned in a wallet dropped by an elderly lady to the cops. The problem is that he allegedly took all the cash out of the wallet before he returned it. Cops say the man stole $1,400 worth of cash. Why is granny carrying that much money? My granny usually has 10 bucks and a jar of Tussy deodorant in her purse.

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