Rant & Rave

Pregnant Women of Columbia: Quit Rubbing Your Stomachs All The Time

Plus: Considering Minimum Wage Increase

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Some Columbia city leaders went to Durham, North Carolina. They must have a Platinum Plus there. Yeah.

To the public transport bus(es) that decided to just not show up this morning: Don’t worry about it. I don’t need to pay rent anyway.

Pregnant women of Columbia: Quit rubbing your stomachs all the time. It’s creepy.

To my friend who thinks he is so good looking: You need to shut up.

This is the pickle man. I’m drinking pickle juice. But I ran out of pickles. Where do you live? How do we contact each other?

Yes, I like watching the old Westerns — Gunsmoke, Bonanza, The High Chaparral, The Rifleman. That was good TV. It’s better than some of the stuff that’s on TV now that explores a lot of violence and everything else. If you go back to the old TV, maybe, just maybe, the violence would cut down.

If left foot and right foot walked away in different directions, does that mean we’re under the control of nuts?

To the black-haired girl with red tips working at Nest on the 7th: No, offering Tums to a guy grasping his stomach is totally not weird, and the show of kindness totally turned a really terrible night around. You’re the best.

To the waiter at Friendly’s last Monday with all the smiles: Let’s dive into a pool of Moon Pies like Scrooge McDuck.

I enjoyed the article about Fort Jackson. (“A City Within the City,” cover story, Aug. 6.) My father, my son and I all went to Fort Jackson for military processing. We have great memories.

I guess with all the military budget cuts, if they close Fort Jackson we can just move the homeless out there.

[The Aug. 6 cover photo]’s got a picture of these Army soldiers that are supposed to be standing at parade rest. As a disabled Air Force veteran, I’ve got to tell you I am extremely offended by that picture. She is laughing with her head turned sideways. That is not parade rest. It is just inexcusable. Wow. I can’t believe the Army would do that. What a pathetic picture.

Hi. Are the people who join the military to become trained killers because of personal hidden agendas being monitored?

We don’t have no sheriff that is worth a damn. We need to hire Matt Dillon.

I’m ranting back to “I’m so old I remember when MTV played music videos” (Rant and Rave, Aug. 6): I’m so old I remember watching Hee Haw in my underwear.

I wish they’d bring back the stores Wilco, Woolworth, Kress, and Silver’s, and bring back the walk-in theaters. Those were the good days — when you could walk downtown without someone having to mug you or hit you in the head for something. You could walk around the State House grounds without anybody bothering you. Nowadays you know you can’t do that.

Yes, I appreciate the fat-ass cop that comes and tries to help me when I got mugged. He wouldn’t chase the man because he was too fat to chase the man.

What’s happened to our military? It’s not Uncle Sam’s army anymore, it’s Aunt Samantha’s. We got a bunch of kids in the military forces right now that want to be soldiers and all they do is just walk around and ask for directions. If we were to go to war, the first thing they’d do is run in the opposite direction.

This is a rant to the Russians. I hear you’re starting to ban Western imports of food. What the hell are you idiots going to eat? I didn’t know you idiots grew anything except potatoes to make vodka out of. Come on, Putin, don’t be stupid. Get along with everybody. You can’t even beat the Ukraine.

Hey, county zoning, no one wants to live next to a party rental house. Get it?

I want to say they need to get James Metts’ name off of the James Metts Landing on Corley Mill Road, because that gargoyle is the biggest crook in Lexington County and has been for 25 years. Thank you.

What’s up with elected officials who owe tens of thousands of dollars in ethics fines and they’re not paying them? Shouldn’t the governor just remove them from office?

Uh, Smokey the Bear just turned 70 years old. I don’t think he looks a day over 50. Yeah.

This is to the person who thinks the minimum wage needs to go up, that the older generation had things. (Rant and Rave, Aug. 6.) Well, the older generation didn’t go through a drive-thru every time they came by one. The older generation didn’t buy sneakers that cost over $100. The older generation didn’t buy cell phones, or iPads, or all these fancy rims, or all these fancy clothes. The older generation learned how to cook at home and pinch pennies and feed their families. Just saying: Get over yourselves.

This is a response to “Why are there loonybird mental patients in my neighborhood?” (Rant and Rave, Aug. 6.) There are loonybird mental patients in your neighborhood because Ronald Reagan decided to close mental health hospitals to save money.

God bless you, Robin Williams. You will be missed terribly.

Hey, Mayor Benjamin: when are we going to see enforcement of [the] open
container [law] on Main Street?

I’m married right now to four women. Isn’t that very big-o’-me? Yeah.

Here’s to the guy jogging down Harden Street Thursday who stopped to grab a big chunk of concrete out of the road and pitch it in the bushes at the traffic island. I’m glad someone got it out of the way before someone hit it.

So you help pay for a veteran’s funeral, get it on video and then MILK THAT SUCKER FOR ALL IT’S WORTH in your campaign ads. That’s real class, Tom Ervin.

If it weren’t for white privilege I’d have no privilege at all.

I was recently walking on Saluda Avenue in Five Points and almost tripped and fell because I was walking on the end of the walkway because the tables there take up more of the sidewalk than what’s available for pedestrians. And I was wondering, is there any kind of regulation or something determining the size of the tables? Because that is not right. I almost twisted my ankle walking through there.

Ever notice nonsmokers have no problem whatsoever telling smokers they need to quit smoking, yet they never tell people with foot, leg, knee, hip or back problems, or folks with diabetes, heart or high cholesterol problems they need to lose the 50 to 100 pounds they’re overweight with? Maybe restaurants should have separate rooms, or better yet make the obese eat outside so those of us who are not obese don’t have to watch them gorge themselves.

Watching a play at Town Theatre is like watching a Christopher Guest movie about a community theatre trying to put on a good play. 

I am tired of this hot and humid weather. When are we going to have a good old fashioned thunderstorm like we had years ago? How about a hurricane or tornado? Maybe that would help.

Could somebody please tell me where a real haunted house is? I want to take my friend there and see if he’s the real man he claims to be or if he’s going to wet his boxers.

Yes, Mr. President, you told me when you were extracting me out of the desert, you said leave all my belongings including my wallet in the sand and bury it, and now I can’t find my wallet and all my things, and I don’t know where the oceanfront property is.

Fat kids always win at see-saw.

[This is about] the rant about having to be woken up to take the lady in labor to the hospital. (Rant and Rave, Aug. 13.) I hate to break it to you, but not everybody has that kind of money. It’s very expensive to ride in an ambulance. You could do the whole world a favor. It’s not going to kill you to help one person. Thank you for your time.

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