Rant & Rave

Let’s Get Over It, People

Plus: Cry to the City Council

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I hate it when someone has a chip on their shoulder and they don’t bring any damn dip. 

I can’t agree more with the person who submitted the rant “Poverty in the richest nation on the planet is amoral, criminal and deliberate” (Rant & Rave, Jan. 22). The problem is the United States is no longer the richest country in the world. China is, dude. We owe China as much as if not more than China owes us for supporting them during WWII.

This is a rave to a local school district. I just want to say thank you! It was amazingly, wonderfully and incredibly awesome to have an entire day in our classrooms for one of our many “teacher” days we have a year. We have professional development so much that we only get to see a day-and-a-half in an entire school year to have uninterrupted planning. It was so needed! I’m not kidding, either!  Y’all put us through so many meetings to make sure we don’t have time to socialize — so that day and a half every year is important.

What’s the difference between a MILF and a cougar? Usually about 20 years.

This is a rant to the a#!holes who pull up to the gas pump and get out of their cars but don’t get gas. So inconsiderate. And to the manager, you should do something about it. Next time, 911 will be called.

Yeah, that Confederate flag on the State House grounds has just as much history as the African-American monument does. They move the monument, we’ll move the flag.

Ben “Pitchfork” ... aw, I forgot his last name. Ben Tillman lives today.

Let’s get over it, people. If we’re going to get rid of that [statue], let’s get rid of every statue of every president, every colonel who murdered people, especially the Indians. It’s history. It’s done. Live in the present. Bye.

Can somebody please tell me why there is a toll from Atlanta to Columbia off of I-85? I come off of I-85 to come to Columbia and it says, “toll booth ahead.” Why is there a tollbooth? Is it to punish the people going to Columbia?

True love is cleaning poop off your roommate’s cat’s butt. 

Please let me win the lottery!

I saw a girl who looked like a troll under the Gervais Street Bridge. I said, ”Troll, get back under that bridge.”

The great wrestler Mae Young passed away. She wrestled in eight different decades. Rest in peace, Mae.

Why are people saying it’s a great day in South Carolina? You’re looking at rich people who say it’s a great day in South Carolina. They’re keeping the poor and the homeless poor, while they’ve got big cars, big houses, big families and all that. Of course it’s a great day in South Carolina as long as you’re hurting the poor and the homeless.

Dear S.C. drivers: I have had several cars in my lifetime; some were barely road-worthy, some were brand new, but the one thing that they’ve had in common was the ability to dim the headlights. Imagine that concept! You, as drivers, need to learn how to use them. I would hate for you to blind a driver to the point that they accidentally hit you head-on because you are such a dumbass that you can’t switch from high to low beam in your own car. If the problem is that one of your low beams is out or not functioning properly, get the damn thing fixed. Most bulbs are inexpensive to replace. Sincerely, a pissed-off, blinded driver.

The way people drive in South Carolina, a Bible Belt state, still shocks me after seven years of living here. I go the speed limit and I get harassed for doing so. I feel like I take my life into my own hands each time I go on a road. The governor ought to call in the National Guard to stop 99 percent of the drivers in this state.

As a local artist, it is a slap in the face and very distasteful to see other local “artists” use famous and/or thrifted works of art to produce “altered art” then turn around and profit from it. Obviously they and our city are unaware of copyright laws, galleries obtaining those works of arts’ copyrights and the Visual Arts Rights Act. How about learn how to make art yourself before you mutilate someone else’s?

Andy Brack has a good idea: “State Should Look to Cities, Counties for Tips on How to Work Better” (State House Report, Jan. 22). However, he doesn’t think to look into just how messed up some cities and counties of the state of South Carolina are. Case in point: Columbia’s own mayor and city council. Enough said.

Just when is the city of Columbia going to get a competent police chief to clean up CPD? Probably never! This city can’t afford what a competent police chief would ask to police this city. For that matter, CPD is thoroughly incompetent thoroughly in enforcing the traffic laws for the parking of motorized vehicle laws (mopeds, scooters, and motorcycles). Instead of tooling around at taxpayers’ expense and buying toys you just don’t need, do your job and then you won’t have to cry to the City Council about raises or money for those toys your police force is buying that are totally useless.

Last week’s Rant & Rave seemed to be kind of mediocre last week?! And why is that? Oh yeah, I forgot to send in something funny. Monkey lezbo foxtrot. You’re welcome. Excelsior.

Rave to Lauren, the most beautiful hair stylist in Columbia! She has it all: looks, style, advice, and most of all, the biggest heart. She is worth every penny.

Dear Summer: Can you please come back and save us? I’m sorry for all of the yelling, complaining and FUs from me on last year. Please hurry, because right about now South Carolina is as cold as Nikki Haley’s heart! Sincerely, Cold As Hell.

Columbia doesn’t need another baseball field. We already have one downtown from USC. Hurry up and tear down that old mental hospital and build something we will use! Like a waterpark, or outdoor shopping center or a big park for kids — the largest in the state. Time to be progressive, Columbia; Greenville and Charleston are beating your ass.

Penis pumps will be covered by Medicare? I’m sorry, but Medicare shouldn’t be covering penis pumps. When I’m 80 or 90, they’ll have to use illegal aliens to pump my penis up.

Oh, OK. I’m calling to say that this idiot who’s calling to complain about Nikki Haley having a gun, he needs to understand that every citizen already does have the opportunity to have a gun to protect themselves (Rant & Rave, Jan. 22). That’s a given under the Second Amendment. So the idiot who called in needs to understand that there are laws on the books that already give everybody that right — already. Period. All right.

I saw a student at USC the other day wearing a Members Only jacket. That’s so 1980s, man.

Uh, Justin Bieber got arrested. Maybe he’ll play the State Fair in October. Yeah.

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