Rant & Rave

It’s Not the Music You Like That Makes You Patriotic

Plus: Uber Is Like Ice-Picking People In the Head

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Why don’t you people get it? Uber is illegal — like ice-picking people in the head, I think. Get with it, people.

You know, you guys could print 55 pages of nothing but Rant & Rave every week, and everybody would still pick up your rag. Did you know that?

To the moron who doesn’t like Pink Floyd and other British rock bands (Rant & Rave, July 23). It’s not the music you like that makes you patriotic. And I can tell by just the few words you spill, you’re far from it. And it’s people like you destroying this country. Thanks, Free Times, for showing us just how dumb some people are.

For those who of you not in the know, the band Pink Floyd was named after two South Carolina blues musicians: Pink Anderson and Floyd Council. Study it. Look it up. Do your history. And I like Pink Floyd and all the rest of the rock.

I get it: You love your baby. But please, find a sitter when you’re going to a theater performance. Thanks — everyone else.

To the person who talked about people letting their kids run around stores (Rant & Rave, July 23): Thank you! Finally, it’s been said! Think, people. 

Yeah, I’m afraid that a law needs to be passed about young children running around. Apparently they aren’t safe anywhere. They should be collared or chipped. Thank you.

Hello, I heard about that new thing about parks, where if you don’t have kids you can’t be in these play areas. Why can’t I take my wife and swing her in a swing and have a good afternoon? We like to do that. I don’t know why they’re doing this. They’ve just got too much time on their hands.

The Israelis did to the Palestinians what the settlers did to the Indians. The only difference is that now there’s media coverage.

It seems as though the David and Goliath scenario has been reversed in Israel today.

Is there really a safe way to travel anymore with all the airplanes falling out of the sky and being shot down? And the trains derailing? Buses running into something or another? I wanted to take a vacation, but I don’t think there’s a safe way. Does anybody know a safe way?

Yes, I just have a question for high guy: What kind of drug do you get high on? Because you’ve been coming up with some crazy s#!t, man.

Dear chick in biology class: First, stop flirting with my boyfriend when he is obviously not interested. Second, thanks for getting the instructor in trouble due to your ignorance. Grow up — you’re in college.

I went to Disney World this summer and saw my cousins, Pluto and Goofy. Yeah.

Hey, does anybody ever ask the mayor why he doesn’t live in Columbia?

So, let me get this straight: The mayor went to a strip club and didn’t report it. The horror! The horror! What’s the world coming to?

This is for the person asking about haunted houses, witches and ghosts (Rant & Rave, July 16): Yes, there are ghosts and therefore haunted houses, but [they are] usually not open to the public. I’ve lived in too many haunted houses not to believe in ghosts. There’s also a pretty big pagan community down here in the Bible Belt. I’m just one local witch out of many. We shop, eat, work, buy gas right alongside of you every day. You’ll see us if you just look. We’re the ones not throwing trash in the ditch. Because we know the mother will live on, long after she shakes us off like a bad case of fleas.

This is a rant to all those drivers who get on other people’s butts and like to blow their horns. You know, there’s a thing called a speed limit. That’s how fast you can go. So, for all you beepers, I think it’s a mental issue you have. You’re up there in your SUV and you think you’ve got some power. How about you just pull over at the gas station and let’s deal with this one on one.

This is what I call a pre-rant to all the Spurrier haters who will be calling Free Times to rant about Spurrier in the coming weeks: Hey, five Clemson victories in a row. Three 11-victory seasons in a row. Whatcha got to rant about? Can’t rant too much about a winner.

Yeah, this is about the guy who called in and said he’s being bullied on the job (Rant & Rave, July 16). I just want you to know: Nobody should be bullied. We’ve got your back. You ain’t got to worry about nothing.

I don’t really know the format about this, how am I supposed to do it?

Here’s to being fired the same day you tell the Klan leader of [your place of employment] that you’re gay.

The reason they didn’t let Sheriff James Metts play in the recent celebrity softball game is that they were afraid he would steal third base.

This is a rant to the individual who talks about tearing down the Metts law enforcement center (Rant & Rave, July 23). You know what? In this country, isn’t it innocent until proven guilty? I don’t know why they even made him step down.

This is for Obama: The Koran is hidden next to your Hustler magazine in the mattress.

This is to our government officials: Once bitten, twice shy.

Question: Can goodness be born of evil, and do the work of evil?

I just saw a car run a red light coming off of Assembly Street onto Gervais Street, and nearly strike a female pedestrian. And the bumper sticker says, “Girls on the Run.”

I heard from a reliable source that there is more money in the appearance of stopping the flow of drugs than there is in selling drugs.

Impeach Haley. Sue Haley. I hope Nikki Haley gets defeated. If Republicans repeal the Affordable Care Act, then she’ll burn in the afterlife, like lawyers.

Did somebody just compare marijuana to prostitution (Rant & Rave, July 23)? What’s more American than prostitution, the oldest profession?

Looks like St. Andrews Road has gone the same way as Broad River Road and Decker Boulevard. Let’s see, we’ve got a tattoo parlor, a massage parlor, mattresses and cheap furniture being sold on the sidewalk. Does the Town of Irmo have no ordinances and values? Let’s go ahead and put a motorcycle repair shop in there and a topless doughnut store. That would fit in just fine. Who is responsible for overseeing this mess?

Where is Dick Tracy when you need him?

Hello?

Yeah, Judi Gatson needs to stop having a hissy fit every time someone else has a different opinion. I mean, really.

In response to: “Multiculturalism is the foundation of American culture, dumbass (Rant & Rave, July 16). I wouldn’t expect you to know that, though, since they keep secrets like that locked away in books.”  If you want a lesson on multiculturalism, just look at the Middle East. All of that mess, coming soon to a theater (of war) near you. As for books, I read one once you might be interested in. It was called The Fall of the Roman Empire. I seem to recall lots of stuff about barbarian invasions. These aided and abetted, no doubt, by first millennium progenitors of today’s dewy-eyed, sentimental liberals like you. 

Could I have three or four of those refugee children stay at my place? I have lawn work and dishes to wash, and they can have a comfortable carpeted floor to sleep on. Welcome to Obamaland: We bring the Third World to you.

I am against illegal immigration, but those Latina babes are muy caliente!

Stay in school. Wait until you get married to have kids. Work hard and pay your bills. Live within your means. With a little luck and some white privilege, you will be all right.

All of you people are mad at the world. I’m just mad that I currently don’t have any pickles.

Printer-friendly version

Let us know what you think: Email editor@free-times.com.

More news

comments powered by Disqus
Subscribe to Free Times Newsletters
Home Real Estate Classifieds Free Times Family Magazine Rant + Blotter Photos Movies Archives Contact