Rant & Rave

I Can’t Wait for Sheriff Metts to Get Here to Prison

Plus: It's Great to Be You

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Views expressed are those of our readers, not us. Need to get something off your chest? Leave a message with your rant or rave at 765-0707 ext. 126 or email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Submissions will be edited for length and spelling but not grammar. Please limit emailed submissions to 100 words.

Yeah, I’m an illegal immigrant from Guatemala. Do you have Sheriff Metts’ phone number?

My name is Bubba. I can’t wait for Sheriff Metts to get here to the prison.

The producers of the 1991 movie Nightmare in Columbia County, based on the Larry Gene Bell murders in which Sheriff Metts played a prominent role, should make a sequel called Busted in Lexington County.

New slogan alert: Lexington County — Where the roads are straight and the sheriff is crooked.

Mayor Benjamin should send a big gift basket to Boss Hogg James Metts for the week ending June 21. If not for 10 indictments of the corrupt Metts, we would be scandalized that Benjamin entertained a lady of the evening from a Florida strip club. Here come de judge. (That would be Benjamin’s wife.)

The South Carolina lawmakers are voting on whether to give themselves a $12,000 raise. Maybe they could work more than three and a half months a year. Yeah.

Here’s an idea: Pay raises for elected officials should be voted on by the general public. I don’t get to give myself a raise. Why should they?

Here we go again. The Legislature wants to give themselves a pay raise. What I’d like to know is why. You think you deserve a pay raise? I don’t think you should even get paid, with all your perks and your snoozing and everybody feeding you. Yeah, it’s great to be you. I wish you could see how it is for people out here, trying to live and feed their families and struggling day by day. Y’all really don’t care, and it’s pretty obvious.

My kids gets suspended for having a water pistol in his backpack, but Brookland-Cayce High School has got a fricking cannon pointing out front.

Hey it’s vampire guy. I really want those people to stop making Viagra because I’ve had a four-hour reflection.

Now the people in South Carolina can realize how crappy the VA is for us veterans who are 100 percent disabled. As they can see all over CNN news, it’s the second worst in the country.

Why is there only one female Smurf? Hmm.

This is a rant about at Ft. Jackson. You think Obama wants his troops fed this way? He could fly down here and land his helicopter on the building and fire your butt.

I’m tired of these police. These K-9 dogs need to be tied up. Try fighting crime, and don’t worry about what people are smoking in their homes. People are going to smoke. It get your f!#king mind right.

This is a rave to Nikki Haley. Actually, Nikki does not have a flat, skinny butt. She has a great rear end, and she’s going to be governor again for four more years. Go Nikki! I told you about Lindsey Graham. He beat six idiots. All Nikki has to do is beat one idiot.

I see Columbia is advertising its water on TV. Hey Columbia, it has fluoride, a poison, in it. Read the back of your toothpaste tube.

This is a rant to Free Times. Thanks for making the print so small I can’t read it, literally.

Who’s writing this thing for June 18 through 24, talking about giving out free wine [in Five Points]? You don’t drink wine in the hot summer. If you’re a drinker, you drink beer. They should give away cups of beer. Wine is just a big, hot hangover.

So the invasion continues — and how is it that we don’t see it as that? But now it’s children flooding over the border. How on earth are we to take a stand against this? It’s children, for Christ’s sake! Every story I hear about this is told from a humanitarian angle. Damned soft-headed liberals are going to ruin us! Don’t you people realize that we are becoming Mexico?

This long overdue rant is to the f!#king retard who was responsible for the manholes on Whaley Street. During high school, my dad worked for the highway department over the summers. At the ripe old age of 16, he could install a manhole cover flush with the pavement. But this Whaley St. moron thought counter-sinking them 3 to 4 inches was a superior method. I’d love to meet this asshole and punch him in the stomach.

I wonder why my dumbass brother-in-law in Pelion sends me here in Indiana the Rant & Rave? Who cares what goes on around Pelion?

All the Shandon Facebook groups suck! There’s nothing but a bunch of insecure bullies in them. I have watched them harass and bully other people in the group to no end. They also have bully parties outside the group to continue to talk how they were bullies in the group! Really? Get a life!

This rant is about various black gentlemen’s clubs in Columbia. Stop treating your own people like crap. Stop advertising one thing on the radio and then when I get there it’s whatever the girl at the door wants to charge or a made-up price. Platinum West, here I come.

My father was very religious. Well, kinda. He kept hitting me with his Bible Belt.

This is a rave to the gentleman who stands outside of and continuously grabs his junk at oncoming traffic. You, sir, clearly take pride in your work and remind me that I should do the same. Continue your selfless contribution to our community; it does not go unnoticed!

To the three ladies who attempted to detain me at the Bi-Lo on Augusta Road: Thanks for your concern about animal welfare, but I was in the store for less than 10 minutes and my dog was still wet from the river. She was not suffering from the heat. You let her out of my air-conditioned car and onto the parking lot so she did actually suffer. Luckily my friends saw your outrageous actions and intervened, because I was ready to call the police on you. I respect all animals, some humans. Thanks for not shooting me.

If more people carrying guns makes us safer, then how come we never see a story in the news about someone saving their own life, or someone else’s? We only see stories about a person getting shot.

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