Crime Blotter

Footsteps in the Dark

Plus: Granny's House

By Preach Jacobs
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Illustration by Jason Crosby

Footsteps in the Dark: A 40-year-old man was arrested after his affection for beer and large bags of change came to haunt him. The suspect broke into a Lexington bar on two occasions. During his second robbery — at which he stole cash from the register, a bag full of quarters and a couple of cases of beer — a witness called the cops. Unluckily for the suspect, all the cops had to do was follow the suspect’s footsteps in the mud, which led to his home. Cops found all the stolen items. The suspect was nabbed, but perhaps had a chance to down a couple of beers to numb the pain before being hauled off.

Granny’s House: A 34-year-old man in the York County area was arrested after attempting to use his grandmother’s empty shed to cook meth. Aside from this being no way to treat your grandmother, the suspect also ran the risk of his grandmother bringing sandwiches and Tang while they cooked the product. It didn’t take long before the authorities got a warrant for the home and found what was going on. The grandmother said she knew nothing about the operation, and the suspect was nabbed for being the worst grandson ever.

Landscaping: A 27-year-old man broke into a home in Lexington, stealing a weed trimmer, a leaf blower and a power cord. (Really? Power cords don’t cost that much.) Altogether, the stolen items were worth about $100 or so. Authorities were shocked to find that it was a regular dude and not DIY home guru Bob Vila.

The Missing: If you’re going to get something to eat at night, you might want to think about going to a 24-hour grocery store and getting a frozen pizza rather than a fast-food place that needs security guards. Authorities are investigating a fight that broke outside of a fast-food spot in downtown Columbia. When an armed security guard went to break up a scuffle, it ended with a gunshot and the guard missing the gun from his holster. (It’s not clear if the shot came from the missing gun.) In other words: If it’s almost three in the morning, it’s time for Kroger and Redbox.

Keepin’ It Trill: There was an episode of The Simpsons in which Mr. Burns has a trillion-dollar bill and attempts to buy the island of Cuba with it. A Sumter man apparently had slightly lower goals, offering up a trillion-dollar bill for food at a restaurant after his bankcard was declined. Too bad this guy didn’t try to use that bill to help with the national debt. Instead, he got arrested. We’re guessing the bail bondsman won’t take the bill, either.

Tip of the Week: If a random guy enters a fire-damaged home and takes appliances out of it, he might be a criminal. Authorities saw the suspect in the home and questioned him. He responded that he knew the residents and had permission to take anything salvageable. The cops let him go and later found out that his story was full of s#!t. No arrests have been made, but let’s hope crooks don’t start burning places down so they can steal from the ruins with impunity.

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