Bogus Bags: All the guys who thought they could get their ladies a Gucci bag at the flea market in West Columbia are out of luck. Authorities seized more than $200,000 worth of bogus items including Louis Vuitton bags, Beats by Dre headphones, Jordan shoes and more. Six people were charged for peddling the bogus goods. The items were seized and the authorities put them in storage — so, if anyone with family and friends in law enforcement gets a pair of Jordans for no reason at all, more than likely they’re fake as hell.
Gas Station Tour: An armed robber hit up a string of gas stations in Forest Acres. The suspect was recorded on video with a mask and gun demanding money from a gas station at 6 a.m. Moments later, the suspect went to another station up the street and did the same thing. Is this guy on a gas station robbery tour? Maybe the cops can nail him before he starts getting sponsors; no arrests had been made as Free Times went to press.
Hazards of Smoking (Weed) Three men were in a car in the North Columbia area smoking funny cigarettes when someone snuck up on them with a loaded pistol. There was a scuffle, and one man was shot in the upper body. (The other two men ran off … some friends.) Authorities interviewed the victim, and he admitted to smoking drugs right before the incident occurred. No arrests have been made.
For Rent: A property owner in Camden contacted authorities after finding bullet holes and a bunch of s#!t stolen from his rental property, from which he had recently evicted a tenant. The owner’s home had more than 15 bullet holes in it, and $800 worth of appliances and kitchen drawers were missing. (Question: What the hell is someone going to do with empty kitchen drawers?) No arrests have been made, but maybe the rent should go down a few bucks because bullet holes don’t help much with the air conditioning bill.
Give It Back: A man in Northeast Columbia attempted to steal items from a gas station and assaulted one of the clerks when confronted. A clerk approached the suspect and asked him to return the items, at which point the suspect picked up random stuff in the store and started throwing it at the clerk. So what’s the lesson — that you should never approach someone suspected of stealing unless you have a baseball catcher’s mask? There might’ve been less trouble all the way around if the suspect just stole a pack of Slim Jims.
Getaway Mower: Authorities are looking for whoever took a John Deere riding lawnmower from a Northeast Columbia home. With a high speed of 5 mph, the suspect couldn’t have gotten too far. Cops will probably be keeping a close eye on Yard of the Month recipients.
Tip of the Week: If you’re going to break into a business through the ceiling, you might want to try and get away with something valuable. Authorities arrested a man who broke into a convenience store via the roof and came through the ceiling. The suspect got away with cigarettes, cigars and some rolls of coins. (The suspect should’ve gotten some Funyuns while he was at it.)
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