Rant & Rave

Embracing Your Inner Pagan

Plus: Enjoying Her New Breasts

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, January 1, 2014

This is a holiday rave to all the people who call themselves Christians and put up a Christmas tree in the bleakness of winter. A tip of Santa’s and agnostics’ hat for boldly embracing your inner pagan. Felt good, didn’t it?

Yes, what on my mind (Rant & Rave, Dec. 25)? I angry with Free Times and everything because taking up so much space with rambling, self-contradictory, ignorant nonsense.

Yes, what on my mind (Rant & Rave, Dec. 25)? I mad they print none smart things. Ugly stuff, bad happen, because good thing not know.

On Dec. 23, my home was broken into and all my daughter’s Christmas presents — as well as firearms and high-end electronics — were stolen. Burglars are polyps in a cockroach bunghole. Enjoy your afterlife in hell. Humanity, that’s it. I’ve lost all faith in you. 

To quote Grandmaster Flash: “It’s all about money / Ain’t a damn thing funny / You’ve got to have a con in this land of milk and honey.”

Hey, this is a rave to the guy dissing his ex-wife last week (Rant & Rave, Dec. 25). He sounds like a Clemson fan. Maybe “sorrow” is another word for Gamecocks.

Really, Free Times? Staples again!? I’m trying to make a fire here and you are making it harder.

Free Times: The title Club Life is quite delusional when referring to Vista nightlife. Last count I had, there may be one “club” in the entire Columbia area. Why not title your column Bar Life or Nightlife? Maybe Sports-Bar Life? #notaclubtown

My wife has been putting up with me for 34 years. I’m going to nominate her for sainthood. Yeah.

I’m calling in response to the alcoholic guy who wanted to start a group call DAMM: Drunks Against Mad Mothers (Rant & Rave, Dec. 18). I’d like to say that when your drunk ass gets in a wreck, I hope the only person you kill is yourself, not some innocent person.

Come on South Carolina, if you really want to get tough on DUIs, then you need to adopt the laws of Arizona. No amount of money or an attorney can get you off.

All you have to do to keep the drunk drivers off the road is park your [police] cars in front of the bars where they sell alcohol and pull them over and do a test as they pull out onto the street.
You don’t have to catch them down the road after they’ve run over somebody. You know what’s going on. You know these young people are driving out of these bars every night.

Well, we haven’t heard too much lately from the moped haters out there. I’m glad about that. Maybe they’re concentrating more on texting in their four-wheels and running into the back of people.

Phil Robertson, Duck Dynasty: You rule. Keep it up.

The IRS makes the mafia look like the Boy Scouts.

This is to the person who is intolerant of other religions and wants just one religion (Rant & Rave, Dec. 18): If you want just one religion, go to Saudi Arabia or one of the other countries where there is only one mandatory religion. You dumbass.

The Columbia City Council members have done as much this year as the U.S. Congress, which isn’t saying very much.

Hello? Just wanted to rant about the panel dismissing the ethics charges against Rep. Chumley. I wonder how much money they paid to get him off. Just sayin’.

This is a message for all teachers throughout the state. Special needs children, they all need to be taught sex education for their own protection and for the need to know what’s going on in the real world.

I am a born and raised South Carolinian. I am unemployed. I am not eligible for unemployment benefits. I have children under the age of 12 and I am a student at Midlands Technical College through the Work Investment Act program. I do not have a loan for school. I do not have a grant for school. I do not receive any funds whatsoever to go to school, and I am not eligible for SNAP benefits (aka food stamps) in the state of South Carolina. Why? Because I am a student of higher education with a high school diploma. Thanks, South Carolina. 

Just wanted to say thanks to all the people who contributed to feeding the homeless. I am glad someone thinks about them during the holidays. Feed the needy, not the greedy. To all those who did that, God bless.

Uh, yeah, I’d just like to rant that the Rant & Rave isn’t very funny any more. And, yeah, what’s up with that? Yeah, bye.

I love Justin Beaver. Or Bieber. Or Beaver. Or Bieber. Or Squirrel. Or Coconut. Or ... oh, yeah.

To the guy who thinks I need to have surgery to lift my “saggy baggies” (Rant & Rave, Dec. 25): To be clear, my rant was about sexist advertising, not plastic surgery in general. Your use of such gross terminology to describe a woman’s anatomy tells me that you are probably part of the problem that makes sexism so pervasive in our society. A rave to your girlfriend if she is enjoying her new breasts, though!

Yeah, I am psyched because my wife gave me Capital One Bowl tickets for Christmas. We’re going down to celebrate New Year’s. Have fun, Columbia, because you’re not going and we are. Go Gamecocks, and Happy New Year!

They’re always complaining about how there’s too much guns and too much violence with the young people in South Carolina. Now I just saw that Gov. Haley’s husband bought her a gun and [they] posted it on a website, that he bought her a gun, and she can’t wait to get to the firing range. How you gonna have gun control if this dumb-ass governor of ours is walking around with a gun, too? She’s got to be a leader. She should be the one to stop this situation. That’s my rant.

To the elitist pond scum up in Cherokee Place or whatever they want to call themselves (Rant & Rave, Dec. 25): You’re confusing homelessness with pedophilia. Why don’t you put yourselves in their shoes? Or maybe we could just put some barbed wire around their shelter so they can’t get out.

We’re coming up with a vaccine for homelessness. We’re going to call it economic stability.

Can we stop with these moral dilemma posts? They’re killing my buzz.

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