Rant & Rave

Don’t Wear the U.S. Flag as a Cape

Plus: Hand Him a One-Dollar Bill

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Message to all the USA World Cup fans: The Veterans of Foreign Wars and the American Legion both disapprove of wearing the U.S. flag as clothing. This type of thing might be fine for Portugal or Argentina, but please don’t wear the U.S. flag as a cape. It deserves more respect.

This is for the lady at the ____________ snack center: Next time someone prevents your child from eating an E coli French fry she picked up from the floor, if you have any class, you say “Thank you.”

Today I want to rant about the quality of local ads on Columbia television. Some of them are repulsive. It’s like watching a 300-pound stripper in a Florida strip club: you’re afraid of what’s coming next. These advertisers need to get some help. They are bizarre.

I always keep a hammer in my trunk, and if I see your dog left inside your car in the summer (Rant and Rave, June 25), I won’t hesitate to open up a window for him. I won’t even check the door handle first.

Hey, anybody out there want to go to a hootenanny?

To the guy in the accident at the library a couple weeks ago (Rant and Rave, June 18): When police officers say they were busy due to changing shifts, the truth is they sit around for hours getting paid talking about their personal life. Unfortunately, I know this as fact.

This is for the idiot who’s complaining about the two black guys and the stupid black people who live in the state of South Carolina: There’s racism and then there’s stupidity, and you’re both: a stupid racist.

To the racist that ranted about the black guys, you’d better look at yourself. Are you stupid? Yes, you are. I’m guessing you’re an ignorant redneck. Do you hate South Carolina because there are smart, rich, professional black people in South Carolina and there’s absolutely nothing your ass can do about it?

I saw the 50 most powerful people in the capital city. (Cover story, June 25.) I didn’t see the two Lillians listed in there. What happened to them?

I wonder if anyone has been stupid enough to prank call the Rant and Rave line?

Why do you Free Times people print a “Hello? Hello?” like when someone calls? It’s just a waste of ink, and I don’t get it.

That computer voice when you call the Rant and Rave line sounds so real.

Hey, yeah, I finally discovered what the Free Times is best for: cleaning my f#!king weed.

This is a rant to the Free Times. I would like the Free Times to investigate the — [hangs up]

The Free Times says it’s the largest weekly newspaper in South Carolina. What does that really mean? How many weekly newspapers are in South Carolina? How many of them are free? Pretty easy to be the biggest weekly newspaper, isn’t it? Not much of a claim to fame.

Yeah, Free Times, where are all the coupons that used to appear in your many volumes over the years? Now I see none. I’m kind of low on money and need a coupon for some good food. Or is it you guys are charging too high rates to advertisers and they can’t afford to let the food go away for less?

The comment on John Lennon’s song (Rant and Rave, June 18) stirred up a memory. Some time ago Tavis Smiley was interviewing some guy of African-American persuasion. Anyway, then they broached the subject of music, the fellow’s insight was “Imagine” was the best song that had ever been written and is played in every country in the world. Maybe he’s right.

Hello, citizens of Columbia. The next time you see Mayor Stephen Benjamin in public, walk right up to him and hand him a one-dollar bill. You don’t need to say a word; he will know what to do with it. Those poor girls depend on tips. As independent contractors, they don’t even make minimum wage. And if you don’t see Mayor Steve in public anytime soon, just put your dollar in an envelope and mail it to him at his office on Main Street.

Mayor Benjamin’s going to be “prayerful and patient”? (“Pinson Trial Highlights,” News, June 25). The only thing he’s ever been prayerful about in his life is the size of his wallet, and he exhibits zero patience in that pursuit.

Mayor Benjamin is dirtier than Pigpen from the Peanuts comic strips.

Girl, I know you dated that guy ____________ . It’s a good thing that mugshot wasn’t taken from the waist down. Small penis.

This is a rant for Tin Roof on Senate Street. It’s the middle of f#!king July and you have the garage doors open. Close the garage doors and run the air conditioning. It is impossible to hit on women when you’re dripping sweat because it’s 95 degrees and humid and there’s 100 bodies inside of Tin Roof.

Is Lindsey Graham going to help the veterans in South Carolina? You keep talking about the army in Baghdad — are you going to help your own state?

Yes, good afternoon. Remember when Lonnie Randolph, the head of the NAACP, he had diabetes and he went kind of crazy down there at Tripp’s Fine Cleaners? Well, Sheriff Metts has diabetes, too. Maybe he had a seizure and somebody accidentally slipped a couple of hundreds into his pocket.

South Carolina, South Carolina. Tsk tsk. You really like to catch the crabs that hard way (Chew On This, June 18). Let me take you up to Maryland. You don’t need chicken heads, fish heads, all that crazy stuff. All you need is a telescopic dip net.

It seems that the governor does not even take my complaints anymore.

To the person who just moved to Forest Acres (Rant and Rave, June 3) who is looking for the “down-to-earth hippieish people”: We are here. Keep looking. Friends are not impossible hard to make. I myself am from California so I know what you’re talking about. Just hang in there: The people here are nice, despite all the churches.

What is the smallest building in the state of South Carolina? The Clemson University Sports Hall of Fame.

Who’s responsible for keeping the roads in Irmo clean? They are absolutely a disgrace, especially Columbiana Boulevard. There’s pine straw, trash and debris all in the gutters.
I have a huge rant with the readers and voters of the Best of Columbia. Again I see Steve FM and all these franchise restaurants. What ever happened to supporting your local mom and pop businesses?

Horse piss? (Rant and Rave, June 4) I heard that _______________ — they’re a really big food company — they dipped all our eggs in horse piss for a month, so I’m pretty sure we all know what it tastes like.

I tried living in South Carolina for a few years and am thrilled to be moving back up north. Thank you all for providing me with hilarious stories of Republican bigots to tell people for the rest of my life!

When I think of South Carolina’s health care and education, I say thank goodness for Mississippi and Louisiana. Yeah.

Bubba, you say you can’t wait until Sheriff Metts gets in the penitentiary? Actually, you might want to wait. Metts ran Lexington County for 30-something years. I’m sure he can run a little prison. So, Bubba, you might get a blonde wig and be Bubbina. Bend over and let Sheriff Metts drive.

This is a rant to the entire civilized world: Now you’re making a brand new super-duper terrorist when he’s really nothing more than a common thug, and his name is Baghdadi. I thought he was a rap star. No, that’s Mack Daddy.

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