Crime Blotter

‘Dem Cowboys!

Plus: Poppin’ Bottles

By Preach Jacobs
Wednesday, March 5, 2014

‘Dem Cowboys!: When committing a crime, it’s generally a good idea not to have anything with you that might help the cops identify you later. A man went into a home improvement store in the northeast Columbia area and approached the counter with a soda. (This should have already been a red flag, because no one goes to a home improvement store without at least picking up some light bulbs, screws or a 20-pound bag of mulch.) As the clerk was ringing the guy up, the suspect pulled out a gun and robbed the place. The suspect was recorded on a security camera wearing a black shirt, khaki pants and … a Dallas Cowboys scarf. Hey, maybe the guy will be found driving an SUV with Cowboys flags and a huge star painted on the window. So far, though, he hasn’t been nabbed.

Poppin’ Bottles: A 19-year-old man broke into a home in Lexington, but the homeowner contacted the cops about the break-in before the suspect could get away. When cops approached the suspect, he fled and dropped some bottles in the process. The suspect didn’t get too far, though; he probably left a boozed-filled trail, making the cops’ job easier. The suspect was arrested and charged with several area break-ins.

Runaway: A 30-year-old man spent a day that sounds like it was taken straight out of Grand Theft Auto. The suspect was speeding in north Columbia and almost ran a deputy off the road, which led to the officer attempting to pull the suspect over. The suspect failed to stop for the blue lights, but was eventually arrested outside of an apartment complex. Cops took the suspect to jail, but he pulled some kind of Houdini act and escaped, briefly — cops nabbed him before he got 200 yards away. The man was re-arrested and faces a lot more charges than he would have if he’d just pulled over the first time around.

Pack of Smokes: Two unknown suspects went YOLO for some smokes, smashing the door of a grocery store to steal some. Once inside the store, the suspects — one wearing a blue hoodie and another wearing a red one (where was the third guy with the white one?) — stole nearly $1,000 worth of cigarettes. No arrests have been made.

Run Away: A man walked into a Forest Acres bank wearing a wife-beater and tried to cash a stolen check. The teller at the facility told the suspect that it was stolen, and the suspect ran away. The suspect’s feeble attempt serves as evidence that the Joker’s comments in The Dark Knight — about a city needing a better type of criminal — might well be the case in Columbia. No arrests have been made, but if he does get arrested we anticipate that he won’t be allowed to post bail by check.

Tip of the Week:  We’ve told you this tip before, but it bears repeating. If you’ve got a meth lab at your house, you might not want to do anything that draws cops to your house. A 44-year-old man was having a loud argument with his wife, a domestic disturbance that prompted someone to call the cops. (Hey, maybe she was yelling at him for having a frickin’ meth lab in their house.) When the cops arrived, they found a bag that had all the items one would need for a meth lab. The suspect was arrested, proving once again that all would-be meth dudes need to revisit the entire Breaking Bad series. It’s on DVD and Netflix. No excuses.

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