Pull Over: If you’re driving while partaking in the finest of greenery (or what Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg call breakfast), it might be in your best interest to not draw any attention to yourself. A 33-year-old man was speeding in North Columbia when he was pulled over for a traffic stop. Authorities smelled marijuana, checked things out and found some baggies and a wad of cash. Speeding? The only reason you should be speeding is if you’re trying to get to Williams-Brice Stadium before your team is about to leave for a bowl game. Go Cocks!
Auto Parts: Two men broke into a bus station in the Lower Richland area and stole 10 catalytic converters at a value of about $10,000. Rather than stealing a bus, too, the suspects took off in a Ford Fusion, which apparently makes a better getaway car than you might think, because they were not caught. With that many converters stolen at once, the cops should just go look for them on Craigslist. Hey, wouldn’t hurt.
Whip it Out: We may have just finished the season for unwrapping gifts, but some things need to stay covered up. A man reportedly drove through downtown Columbia “Porky Pigging” it — i.e., with his pants off, or at least down. If officers find the suspect in question, they should consider wearing gloves when handling the perp.
All Access: If you have a computer that has vital information on it, you might not want to leave it in your car. Cops are searching for the laptop of a S.C. Health Insurance Pool auditor that has tons of Social Security numbers on it. The computer was stolen from a car, but so far it appears nobody has used the information that’s on the laptop.
Everything’s Better with Coke: Authorities responded to a club in Elgin after receiving a report about a fight and someone shooting a gun. (Nobody was hit.) As people fled the club, cops followed the suspect to a nearby hotel. The suspect, a 53-year-old man, gave permission for the cops to search his hotel room — where they found weed, crack cocaine, scales and $1,500 in cash. Moral of the story? Don’t fire your gun in a club. If you ignore this and fire your gun anyway, at least have the sense not to head straight to the hotel where you’re running a drug operation. The suspect was arrested.
Washer & Dryer: Authorities responding to a domestic call in the Orangeburg area saw drugs out in the open when they arrived. They searched the rest of the home and found weed, crack and money in the washer and dryer. Apparently someone took the idea of “money laundering” literally. Zing!
Tip of the Week: If your fiancé stabs you over what colors to choose for the upcoming wedding, it might not be a good idea to get married. A 34-year-old woman was arrested after getting into an argument with her soon-to-be husband about wedding colors. The Bridezillla grabbed a knife and stabbed her fiancé in the upper body in her home in the northeast Columbia area. The woman should realize that you shouldn’t want to stab your significant other until after the wedding vows. This will be interesting if they go through with it.
Let us know what you think: Email email@example.com.