Rant & Rave

A Faceless Woman with Gift-Wrapped Boobs

Plus: Just Jump Off a Cliff

By Free Times Readers
Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The 25th way to improve Columbia (Cover story, “What Columbia Needs,” Dec. 4): More cowbell. Rant on, you Columbia knuckle-draggers.

I don’t know how Minerva Jolivet managed to get her letter in Free Times all the way from California (Sound Off, “Open Letter to Pickens County Sheriff Rick Clark,” Dec. 11). She comes from a land of über-sensitive people who throw the race card whenever something doesn’t go their way. I have friends who died overseas who didn’t have the flag lowered for them. I don’t think the Pickens County sheriff is a bigot for disagreeing with an executive decision. Would you call somebody a bigot because they cut you in traffic or cut in front of somebody in line?

This goes out to Minerva Jolivet in the Sound Off (Dec. 11) section: Go f#!k yourself.

Really, NBC? Remaking The Sound of Music (which takes place in 1930s Austria) with a black Mother Superior is like remaking Roots with a white Kunta Kinte!

To the guy at the Hess on St. Andrews Road for paying for my gas: You rock, black Santa Claus. Thanks, man.

This rant is for the plastic surgery practice with the breast augmentation billboards downtown. Your depiction of a faceless woman with gift-wrapped boobs is unbelievably objectifying and overtly sexist. I start every day in a bad mood when I drive by your sign. Try treating women as human beings capable of making their own intelligent and informed decisions about surgical procedures.  

Little girl, coming into my class all semester dressed like a tramp will not help your grade. Consistent hard work will. Learn to dress like a lady. Professionalism is your friend.

This is to the conservative blowhards who think that the Affordable Care Act website doesn’t work anymore. It works now, guys. Quit your lying.

When are the human beings of this Earth going to realize that they are part of nature?

At the public library, there are a bunch of bums, people not covering their mouths when they cough and people with a nasty attitude when they sit beside you. Thank you. Have a nice day.

I’d like to rant about my ex-wife. I have found happiness, and I know she’s found sorrow. That’s a good thing. Bye.

I had a good feeling the strong-mayor referendum would lose when Gov. Haley gave Mayor Benjamin her support.

Why is it so hard for me to focus during finals week? Free Times doesn’t need to hear this, but I just have to rant that rather than picking up a textbook, my procrastinating self goes to the Free Times and a toilet rather than a textbook and a desk. Something’s gotta change.

Isn’t it great that we haven’t heard much from that crazy group MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving? You know, I was so pissed at them I was thinking about starting a group called DAMM, Drunks Against Mad Mothers. These weirdos, they used to go to parole hearings, a person could have a DUI on their record and have been in jail, and they would try to get the parole board to deny parole. You could be in there for rape or murder or armed robbery or whatever, and they would concentrate on, “Well, he was driving drunk.”

South Carolina football star Clowney had a speeding ticket, 110 mph. Way to represent. Way to have a little kid look up to you.

This is a rant to the South Carolina state legislature. You are a bunch of blooming idiots. How are you going to regulate telling people that slow drivers have to get on the right-hand side of the road? If you don’t have anything better to do, then you really need to retire, quit or come up with a better idea.

This is a rant to the Rant & Rave page. How is it that this one smoke shop gets their ad on that page every week?

In regard to our latest election, let’s remember what Joseph Stalin said: Political power does not rest with those who cast votes. Political power rests with those who count votes.

To the woman who wants to wear camo (Rant & Rave, Nov. 13, Dec. 4): I have no problem with that, nor should anyone else. Target shooting? No problem. But if you kill animals for any reason other than sidestepping starvation, you’re an a#!hole.

This is to the 40-year-old woman who wears camo (Rant & Rave, Nov. 13, Dec. 4): I am a 50-year-old single man who also wears camo, hunts and fishes. Maybe we could hook up and compare patterns.

Mayor Benjamin says that in his second term, he’s not going to stop. I didn’t know he started.

I just find it really sad that our president could find time to go to Nelson Mandela’s funeral but couldn’t even send a representative to Margaret Thatcher’s. That is just really sucky.

Is there nothing the police can do to catch the thugs who are throwing bags of garbage out the car windows on Columbiana [Drive] and surrounding areas?

You are a f#!king whore, _____________. Leave my husband alone.

If Mayor Benjamin continues to push for strong ties between Richland County and city police, sooner or later he will be reporting to Sheriff Lott.

Why are there so many ugly people? Why don’t they know to just jump off a cliff and let only the cute people remain? These ugly people, these weird-looking people, they just need to exit. Seriously.

What’s going to happen when we all get to heaven and find out that smoking weed is not going to be held against us? I guess the lawmakers will be happy then.

Why don’t you guys think about increasing the type size in your arts [section]? It’s getting so small you’re going to need a microscope to read it before long.

I enjoyed your article about what Columbia needs (Cover, Dec. 4). We also need to put mental homes next to City Hall instead of in family neighborhoods.

Don’t you think it’s a problem that we have all these different religions? Which one is the true religion, and which ones are we being fooled by? Don’t you want the false ones to stop and the real one to stand out?

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