It was once said that prolific Guided By Voices frontman Robert Pollard could write five songs in the time it took him to take a crap — and that three of them would be pretty good.
   
We could posit a similar relationship between local restaurateur Kristian Niemi and marketing ideas.

Niemi, who owns local restaurants Gervais & Vine and Rosso Trattoria Italia, generates good ideas with alarming frequency. Sign up for his restaurant’s mailing lists and see what I mean. And the thing is, most of the promotions and other events he puts together are intriguing, creative and successful. Many of them benefit local charities, too.

The latest idea? Niemi is auctioning off a chance to spend a day in the kitchen at Rosso, his Forest Acres Italian restaurant. All the proceeds will go to an as-yet-unnamed charity.

The winner will learn about the kitchen, work a full prep shift, make lunch and help with the restaurant’s evening specials. For dinner, the winner will prepare a meal to enjoy with three guests.

An official Rosso chef’s jacket is part of the bargain, as is a framed menu with the winner’s name listed as a guest chef. There’s also this tantalizing bit: “Learn meat-cutting techniques for fish, fowl and beef.”

So, maybe reading Anthony Bourdain’s books hasn’t put you quite close enough to the messy kitchen action. Or maybe you’re honestly considering a career in restaurant cooking and you want to know what you’re in for. Or maybe you just plain love Rosso Trattoria Italia and want to soak in every bit of its kitcheny essence — to get Rosso-ed to the fullest.
Regardless of your motives, here’s your chance to spend a day in the kitchen at Rosso.

Search eBay for the listing, which is titled “Chef for a day experience at Rosso Trattoria Italia.” And hurry — the auction expires Saturday, Dec. 26.


A Not-So-Blue Christmas

Were you thinking of ringing in the New Year with a hot bowl of brick-red kimchi stew with pork and tofu? Well, disabuse yourself of that excellent idea right now. The Blue Cactus will be closed Dec. 24 through Jan. 5.

No Christmas at the Cactus. No New Year’s at the Cactus. Lloyd, Mary and Julie need some time away from your sorry face and your squid-hungry gut.

Plenty of other local restaurants will be closed over the next week as well, but most of them aren’t quite as likely to inspire such desperation in their fans as Blue Cactus.

In fact, maybe we should declare Jan. 6 a local holiday of sorts. The Return of the Cactus? Resurrection Wednesday? Bi Bim Bop-liday?

Anyway, Cactus-lovers, consider yourselves warned. I hear the withdrawal symptoms don’t get truly bad until around day five. Good luck.


Terra’s New Bar Menu

If you haven’t been to Terra lately, drop in after work someday soon: During happy hour, from 5 to 7 p.m., the local-food-themed restaurant is offering up items from its new and exciting bar menu. Fried oysters? Yes. Crispy garbanzo beans? Yes. Lobster corn dogs? Oh my goodness yes.

Even better, during those two happy hours Tuesdays through Fridays, house liquor drinks are $3 apiece.

Terra will be open Wednesday, Dec. 23, from 5 p.m. until close, then closed Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It will reopen again Saturday, Dec. 26.  


Let us know what you think: Email food@free-times.com.