Illustration by Jason Crosby

WWJD: In a move that makes as much sense as having a Bible study meeting at a strip club, on July 15 a 19-year-old man robbed a Christian bookstore. One of the clerks told cops that the suspect walked into the store, grabbed a drink from a vending machine, reached into his pockets like he was trying to find some more money and instead pulled out a knife. He then hopped over the counter, took the money out of the cash register, grabbed the drink and left (because stealing can make a man thirsty). He was arrested.

Soda and Cigarettes: On July 13, officers arrested two 18-year-old men for a string of robberies that occurred between June 28 and July 9. The suspects allegedly broke into several places, including a club and a convenience store, and stole an undisclosed amount of cash, soft drinks and cigarettes. On one of their capers to steal more smokes, they were caught on surveillance cameras and arrested. Lucky for them, cigarettes are considered currency where they’re going.

Smokey and the Bandit: In another cancer-stick crime story, a 21-year-old man went into a grocery store on July 15 and stole some cigarettes. Officers say the suspect then jumped into a Mustang, crashed into a Nissan and ran away. Cops found the suspect nearby and arrested him.

Can’t Handle the Guilt: On July 8, a 33-year-old man turned himself into cops because he had failed to take a group of people on a field trip. The man was supposed to take a group of passengers to Orlando on a bus. The suspect told the passengers to meet at a parking lot, but he never showed up. He was charged with two counts of breach of trust.

On Foot: A 36-year-old woman in Lexington County broke into a house recently, grabbed a knife, held it to the throat of a family’s daughter and demanded a whopping $20. When the family obliged, the daughter was let go and the woman left with her mangy dog on foot … literally. The family told cops that the thief had no shoes, so cops just followed the woman’s footsteps like a Hanna-Barbera cartoon to her front porch, where the dog was just chilling. The woman was charged with burglary in the first degree and kidnapping.

Tip of the Week: Meeting people in an Internet chat room should not be a replacement for real-life interaction. A West Columbia man learned this lesson the hard way when he went to meet what he thought was a 24-year-old woman he’d talked to in a chat room. Unfortunately he didn’t meet up with her; instead, a 17-year-old man ambushed the online love-looker. The suspect beat up the victim and took his money and car keys. The female from the chat room was arrested on July 9 and charged with assault and battery and criminal conspiracy. The 17-year-old male has not yet been arrested. 


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