Illustration by Jason Crosby

Money Shot: In creepy-old-man news, a 55-year-old West Columbia man was arrested on July 8 for taking pictures under a woman’s dress with his cell phone. The alleged voyeur reportedly rode a motorized cart through a store in West Columbia and tried to sneak a shot as he rode past his victim. Surveillance video also showed the suspect pretending to fall against a woman and doing the accidental-brush-against-your-boobies routine (a move that is not only pathetic but also obvious). He was arrested and could soon find himself in a place where he wouldn’t want to repeat the brush-against-someone’s-chest routine.

That’s My Show: On July 7, a 27-year-old man used a 27-year-old female’s credit card and Social Security number to make an important investment: cable television. The victim said the man purchased a cable package with her card; she plans to press charges.

Blame It on the Baby: On July 6, cops pulled over an 18-year-old man. When the K-9 unit arrived to search the guy’s vehicle, cops found marijuana wrapped in a baby bib. The man was arrested.

Gun Smoke: On July 7, a 34-year-old woman went to the authorities and turned in a revolver. She told the authorities that a man had chased her with it four days earlier and threatened to use it on her. Her report makes no mention of how she got the gun. The weapon was taken into evidence and had two bullets still in the chamber.

Crack Me Up: On June 29, a 27-year-old driver was pulled over for failing to make a left turn signal and driving with no seat belt. When the cops pulled the car over, the man driving tried to switch seats with a passenger in the back seat. Authorities questioned their suspicious behavior, and upon further investigation found a cigarette box filled with crack rocks.

XXXBox: On July 2, a 36-year-old woman contacted authorities to tell them that someone had hacked into her Facebook account. The police report quoting her as saying that the unknown assailant had “kicked her off the Internet” and posted tons of pornographic pictures of her on her page. The victim also told authorities that she doesn’t know who the person is, but she’s sure he’s from London because he told her while they were on Xbox chat.

Cold Drink: On July 2, a man walked into a gas station in Richland County to get a few bottles of delicious cheap liquor. Only problem was that he didn’t pay for it. When the female clerk saw what was going on, she and a male co-worker followed the man out the door and confronted him. When questioned by the employees, the suspect opened his clothes and threw several bottles of liquor onto the ground, breaking them. Then he walked away; no arrest was made.

Trapped in the Bathroom: On July 7, a 31-year-old man in Lexington County was arrested for not making child support payments totaling more than $12,000. When authorities came to arrest the man, they found him hiding in the bathroom. (Was there no closet near by? That’s what R. Kelly would’ve done.)

Tip of the Week: When you’re smoking weed, it’s not a good idea to drive past a cop with your windows down. Unfortunately, a 20-year-old man didn’t get the memo, and he drove into a parking lot on July 2 with his windows down and his car giving off a heavy aroma of marijuana. When the suspect got out of his car and walked toward a business, an officer approached and questioned the suspect on the strong smell of weed surrounding him. Upon searching the man’s car, cops found several bags of weed, some open liquor and a digital scale. 


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