“I look at the Confederate flag,” goes one of Dave Stone’s stand-up bits, “and I see two things: crystal meth and sloppy Joes.” Given the Confederate naval jack still flies on the north side of the State House grounds, you might hear Stone, a semifinalist in 2012’s Next Big Comic comedy competition on CMT, riff on it tonight at Conundrum Music Hall; he headlines a stand-up bill that also features Caleb Synan, Jenn Snyder and Wayne Cousins. (You might recognize Stone’s voice if you’ve ever watched Adult Swim’s Squidbillies; Stone voices Brock Bell.) The laughs start at 8 p.m.; admission is $7. Call 250-1295 or visit conundrum.us for more information.
Local multidisciplinary artist Michaela Pilar Brown’s work is featured in the 701 Center for Contemporary Art Biennial, which hangs at the Olympia art space through Sunday. As a companion to her work in the exhibition, Brown performs bittersalt bittersweet at 7 p.m.; Brown will be using her body as a vehicle, pushing beyond physical and mental limits and trust and exploring the relationship of black women’s bodies to American culture.
Christmas, country-style: Wynnona Judd and her Big Noise backing band sing country hits and Christmas classics at 8 p.m. at the Newberry Opera House. Tickets are $125. Visit newberryoperahouse.com for more information.
Bruce Dern is receiving rave reviews for his performance in Nebraska, which opens today at the Nickelodeon Theatre; in the film, Dern plays an aging, booze-addled retiree who wrangles his estranged sad-sack son, played by Will Forte, into a road trip from Montana to Nebraska to claim a million-dollar Mega Sweepstakes Marketing prize — a prize he of course hasn’t really won. Dern received Best Actor awards from the Cannes Film Festival, the Los Angeles Film Critics Association and the National Board of Review, and nominations from the Golden Globes, the Independent Spirit Awards, and the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Dern “is so convincing as an addled, drunken, embittered and probably dying man that he doesn’t appear to be acting,” writes Salon’s Andrew O’Hehr, “but Forte is just as good playing a preoccupied, emotionally constricted man-child.” The Nick screens the film at 3, 5:30 and 8:30 p.m.; it also screens modern-day Christmas classic Elf at 11 p.m. Call 254-3433 or visit nickelodeon.org for more information.
As the Christmas holiday approaches, your menu of available events narrows. Sure, there are some spectacular holiday light shows and plenty of seasonal concerts, but beyond that the calendar at this time of year gets just about as bare as the trees. Enter the South Carolina State Museum’s annual WinterFest, which opens today; WinterFest features movies, board games, scavenger hunts, crafts and more, and today features a special opening-day performance of Santa’s Christmas Party by the Columbia Marionette Theatre. Admission to all WinterFest activities — except for Monday’s Polar Express Party — is free with museum admission or membership. Call 898-4952 or visit scmuseum.org for more information.
It’s the Sunday before Christmas, and if you’re feeling like a humbug these holidays, know that there’s still plenty of time to turn that Yuletide frown upside down. Hey, it worked for Ebenezer Scrooge. It worked for George Bailey, too: The Nickelodeon Theatre screens Frank Capra’s Christmas classic It’s a Wonderful Life at 8 p.m. Eight Days has heard that every time you go see a movie at the Nick, an angel gets its wings. Or maybe Andy Smith gets some wings. I don’t know. Something like that. Tickets are $10. Remember no man is a failure who has friends: Call 254-3433 or visit nickelodeon.org for more information.
Today, reader, is Eight Days’ favorite non-denominational holiday celebrated by those frustrated and jaded by the commercialism and pressure surrounding the Christmas-Hanukkah-Kwanzaa season. Today is Festivus, which means feats of strength, the airing of grievances and plenty of festivus miracles. Remember: The Festivus Pole should be made from aluminum — due to its very high strength-to-weight ratio — and requires no decoration, as tinsel is distracting.
Then again, it is the Christmas season, and there’s no better way to get that final dose of pre-Christmas cheer than by tripping the light(s) fantastic! Columbia’s two premier holiday light shows are open today before shutting down for Christmas: The Riverbanks Zoo’s Lights Before Christmas walk-through display is open to the public from 5 to 9 p.m.; adult admission is $8, with kids’ admission running $6. Should you prefer to stay in your heated, comfortable car, Saluda Shoals Park’s Holiday Lights on the River is on display from 6 to 10 p.m.; admission is $10 per car. Call 779-8717 or 772-1228, respectively, for more information.
Today’s Christmas Eve, the last possible day to cram as much ho-ho-holiday spirit down your gullet as possible. Maybe some outdoor ice skating will boost your holiday spirits? Main Street Ice is open from 11 a.m. until 9 p.m.; admission is $8, which includes skate rental. We bet you’ll hear Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” at least once. Hey, that always cheers Eight Days up. Call 545-3100 for more information.
Happy Hour and Sushi Specials All Week
Red Bowl in Lexington now has great early bird and late night sushi specials 7 days a week, as well as 99-cent kids meals on Saturdays! Click here for special information and hours.
Make Your Own Beer and Wine!
Come get started on your “liquid hobby” and help us celebrate our 46th year in the Columbia area. Bet Mar Liquid Hobby Shop: 736 St. Andrews Road.
Relaxation, Pain Management, and Stress Relief
Licensed massage therapist Allison Morris of AMR Massage offers 50% off your first session and every 5th session free of charge. Click here for location, hours, and more information.
Brew Pub Site Available
3520 Augusta Road, West Columbia. Click for more information.
SEARCH FREE TIMES
Wing Zone is now hiring for experienced delivery drivers, cooks & cashiers. Apply in person @ 132 Assembly St. or call 803-933-9464.
Free Times is looking for a highly organized, detail-oriented self-starter to assist in gathering material from advertisers, coordinating between the sales and production departments, and handling routine clerical tasks. Must be proficient on a Mac, able to conduct business via phone, email, text, Dropbox, social media platforms and face to face while under deadline in a fast-paced, sometimes distracting work environment. The position requires the ability to multitask, excellent oral and written communication skills, and solid experience in quickly learning new computer programs. This is a full time position with benefits. Send a cover letter, resume and salary expectation to email@example.com.
U.S. Security Associates
Now hiring immediately for armed and unarmed security officers. WE TRAIN YOU! Columbia & surrounding areas. ussecurityassociates.com